People Repellents

1. A productive-yet-prickly lawyer resigns his position in a highly respected firm. The firm breathes a collective sigh of relief.
2. Two high-profile executives are relieved of their duties by their financial backers. Rumor has it, it’s because they just didn’t connect with the local market.
3. A long-time association chief is sent packing because his style wasn’t helping the association reach its long-term goals.

All three of these events occurred in New Mexico. The people involved all seem to have something in common: none of them understood (or, perhaps, didn’t care) how their behavior affected the people around them. They did not understand the importance of their emotional wake.

Emotional wake is what remains when we have left the room, much like Pigpen in the Peanuts comic strip. It is what either draws people to us or repels them from us. In the cases delineated here, the emotional wake was repellent.

At best, the Emotional Pigpens of the workplace do not exude any sort of warmth in their professional relationships. They are remote, icy, arms-length. They make no effort to reach out, to express the basic civilities of life, to make anyone feel uplifted or even neutral by their presence In short, they repel others.

Maybe it’s a defense mechanism for shyness. Maybe it’s a way of keeping people who might want something at bay. Maybe it’s a mistaken view of professionalism. I really don’t know their motivations for behaving as they do. But I do know this: we have nothing without relationships. No support. No legacy. No way of progressing. It’s professionally fatal to repel more people than we attract.

Leaving a positive emotional wake is incredibly easy. A smile and hello work wonders. So does eye contact. Engaging in the moment with whoever is in front of us — asking them how they’re doing and listening to the answer — is another simple step. Saying thank you and meaning it. It’s nothing more than basic civility. It’s also smart business.