Recently I had a couple of phone conversations that started like a race horse leaving the gate. No “Hi, how are you?”. No “What’s new?”. No “Is this a good time?”. Just an immediate recitation of needs or events. What kind of response do you think the callers received? Right. I was something less than involved, because I hadn’t really been invited to be.
Civility as a daily life choice is an optimal existence. It is also an effective communication tactic. Conversational civility is so much more than small talk; it is a roadmap you can use to help you reach your desired destination. Without it, you might very well lose your way in the conversation, because half of the conversation is essentially missing. And when you lose your way, the chances decrease that you will get what you want or need from the conversation.
On the flip side, employing civility in your conversations contributes to the possibility that you will achieve your goal, whether it’s information, affirmation, or simply a lightening of your burdens. My husband always says “You never know what someone else is going through.” He counsels to communicate accordingly, and he’s right. Asking those little, seemingly perfunctory questions, is essential to getting a read on the other person’s receptivity to you at that moment.
This is civilized behavior, but it’s also tactically intelligent. If you want something from another person, even if it’s only a friendly ear, you are smart to ask small questions. By doing that, you invite the other person to be involved and thereby increase your chances of having a productive conversation.
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