Heads and Tails

The more I work with clients, the more I realize how often communication is misunderstood. Usually, we view it solely as the process of speaking and being heard; yet, we often forget the underlying elements that make communication effective. I am beginning see these elements as two sides of a coin. Heads, you’re talking; tails, you’re listening.

Honesty. It simply is impossible to work productively over the long term without the strong foundation that truthfulness provides. Be honest even when it’s not comfortable.

Heads – People rarely lose their integrity all at once; they do so interaction by interaction. So tell the truth as you understand it. Don’t sit on the sidelines of a meeting, offering nothing but sotto voce mumblings, only to play Monday morning quarterback afterward. That’s just not honest.

Tails –  Even when you don’t like hearing truth (and most of us often don’t), accepting it gracefully and gratefully makes you a stronger professional and allows valuable communication to occur. So swallow hard, take a deep breath, and accept someone else’s version of reality. Roll it around your mind a while before rendering judgment and responding.

Civility. This is easy when things are going smoothly, but conflict is part of life and business. That’s when things often go awry.

Heads - Express yourself skillfully and with kindness. Remember Ritz Carlton’s motto? “We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.” Old world? Maybe. Timeless and widely applicable? Yes.

Tails – Resist sulkiness, yelling, and various other adolescent expressions of incivility when people make decisions you don’t like, disagree with your ideas, or fail to live up to your expectations.

Clarity. The pace of business lends itself to convoluted communication. A bevy of tools only complicates things more.

Heads – Think before you speak or write. Don’t just dash off an email or verbally toss instructions to team members. Deliver specific information about deadlines, expectations, and consequences for not meeting them. Learn to ask for what you want, respectfully and clearly. It’s a skill that can only be honed with practice, and it is well worth the effort (more on this topic here). If you want to be heard by someone, be sure you’re choosing a time when he or she has the emotional and intellectual room to hear you.

Tails – Pay attention during your interactions with people. The greatest compliment you can pay people is to look them in the eye and acknowledge their presence. All good communication starts with being awake and aware in the moment.

Communication is a coin toss: it can either simplify things in your organization or muck them up entirely.  The beauty of it is that you get to decide, interaction by interaction, how you will respond, no matter which way the coin lands.