You First

A member of a leadership team told me something that sparked an insight. We were talking about the lack of discourse among the senior team members during meetings. Although the leader of the organization asked for and genuinely welcomed feedback and discussion, her team generally remained mute.

When I asked my colleague why, he said, “Well, I am reluctant to respond because I don’t trust everyone else at the table not to disparage me after the meeting. I don’t trust that they won’t talk about me or write nasty emails about something I said.”

I hear this frequently, and it’s a shame. I doubt it surprises any of you, either. But here is the good part that led to insight. I followed up his commentary with this question:  “Has anyone actually ever disparaged you after you said something in those meetings, as far as you know?” He paused for quite a while and said, “No, but I’ve seen it happen to others. I guess I’m just afraid it will happen to me.”

That’s fear. Fear of what hasn’t happened, except to someone else. The only productive response is to feel the fear and do it anyway.

If members of a team are ever going to trust each other, one brave person in addition to the group leader has to take the initial step. Of course, leaders need to reiterate the need for confidentiality. Then, one courageous soul has to speak his mind and ask the group to keep the conversation where it belongs – in the confines of  that meeting and nowhere else.

Everyone has to agree to and maintain this standard, or they really shouldn’t be there in the first place. Trust is built through shared experience. The more people participate in productive meetings that are treated confidentially, the more the participants will trust each other. But somebody has to get the ball rolling.

So go ahead. Feel the fear and do it anyway. You might be very pleasantly surprised at the results.