Getting Unstuck

Lately I’ve had many conversations with clients and friends on a variety of subjects. Although the conversations differ in detail, nearly all of them carry a thread of similarity: people are stuck. Maybe it’s a job or a relationship or a pattern of behavior, but they’re all stuck. They’re frustrated, tired, and wondering how to get out of the quagmire. 

When you’re stuck in something, five steps can get you moving forward.

1. Have a serious talk with yourself. Recognize the reality of your situation. You’re in a crummy job. You’re 30 pounds too heavy. Your debt load is scary. Don’t try to paint a pretty face on whatever’s got you stuck. Look at it square in the face without denial, without self-pity, with as little emotion as you can. 
2. Get out of the “if only” mentality. “If only my boss would give me a raise.” “If only I could drop this weight.” “If only my credit card bills were lower.” This kind of self-talk takes the focus off of the only person who can begin to change your situation: you. 
3. Light a fire under yourself. Stop waiting for Life or God or the Universe to change things for you. Start doing. Decide what you can do to change your situation today. What one small action can you take that will begin to improve things? It doesn’t have to be huge. You can dig out your resume, maybe edit it a bit. You can put down that donut and go for a walk. Or leave the department store before you put something else on your credit card. Tomorrow, you can do one more thing. And the next day, another. Pretty soon you’ve added a whole roster of useful behaviors to your daily life.
4. Do something good for someone else. Whether it’s a donation to your favorite charity, serving food at the homeless shelter, or other random acts of kindness, do something that reminds you how lucky you are to have the problems you have.
5. Find something to be happy about every day. Whether it’s a baby’s laughter, a dog’s wet snout, or the incredible blue of the sky, notice it. Drink it in. Take that moment and savor it. Once you notice one thing during the day, you’ll probably find others. These small things are what make life happy.

No doubt about it: we’re living in difficult times. I don’t know a single person who truly has it all figured out. Life is hard, and it’s easy to get stuck. But the most stable, happy, and resilient people I know are those who are doing these five things regularly.  Give them a try. You have nothing to lose, except perhaps a quagmire or two.

Wishing my American readers a very happy Thanksgiving.