When in Doubt, Pick Up the Phone

Email is easy and fast. It’s also incomplete and leaves room for plenty of unanswered questions and misunderstanding. A couple of times recently, I’ve experienced the conflict that goes with deciding how to follow up with people.

In one instance, I had submitted an application to a speaker’s bureau. Weeks later, I had heard nothing from them. After a short, typical conversation in my head about not being good enough to belong to this bureau, I decided to end the masochism and pick up the phone. As it turned out, the president of the company had begun the review process of my application, but had not yet completed it. Our conversation was upbeat and encouraging, and so very simple.

Another time, I was struggling with content for an upcoming presentation on leadership and management for lawyers. When I realized I would not be the best choice to address certain aspects of management because I have never run a law firm, I faced the same method-of-contact dilemma. Email surely would have been easier. I could have backed out of the session gracefully and left the relationship intact. But I really wanted to address the leadership issue in law firms, so I picked up the phone and had a conversation with my contact. In the course of the conversation, we realized the conference attendees would benefit from a team teaching format that involved a managing partner and me working together. Our conversation created a better program that would not have been possible by email.

No doubt: it’s much easier to send an email than to have to deal with a conversation. But it’s in those very conversations – those dialogues – that some of our best outcomes can occur.

Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do

For those of you who immediately recalled the Neil Sedaka song when you read the title of this post, I am truly sorry. It’s just the best way to frame a conversation about firing clients.

Such a heavy word, firing. I prefer to think of it as moving on, acting in everyone’s best interests, similar to ending a personal relationship. Who hasn’t heard “It’s not you, it’s me” at some point? Personally or professionally, it seems, the sentiment is applicable.

However you choose to phrase it, moving away from a client relationship is scary, gut-wrenching work. Who in her right mind would risk walking away from steady (although not lucrative), known (although not challenging), comfortable (although not inspiring) work — particularly in times like these?

If a particular client’s face pops into your head as you read this, here are some of the questions to ask yourself:

1. Is the client best served by your working at a level below your capabilities?
2. Are you willing to continue working at a level that does not challenge you?
3. How is your decreasing passion for the work affecting your client’s interests?
4. How is your client’s behavior affecting you and your team?
5. Are you willing to wait it out in the hope that things will magically improve?
6. Would a conversation with your client change anything?
7. What opportunities are you missing by pouring energy into this client?

Putting yourself through a questioning exercise like this one is useful, whether you are determined to leave your client or are trying to find reasons to stay. Asking hard questions brings clarity to your thought process, removing some of the more emotional (and less useful) noise in your head. Finally, it helps move you closer to answering an important question:

What makes you happy?

Soft Skills Aren't Soft.

Every time I read something about communication, leadership, mentoring and the like, the words “soft skills” are nearly always used as descriptors. That chaps me, because in our business culture soft is often a euphemism for weak.. Bottom lines, net revenues, profitability: these are hard and, therefore, strong initiatives. Relationship building, listening, mentoring, teaching: soft and wrongly perceived as weak.

Think about it. How often is someone in a company publicly rewarded for civility? For kindness? Contagious happiness? It’s woefully rare. Yet it is these things that determine the culture and, at least in part, the long-term success of an organization.

I wonder if we could come up with something other than soft skills to describe these critical individual and organizational traits. Maybe it’s Quality of Life Skills, but that’s a tad wordy. I’m open to suggestion, but let’s not call them soft anymore. These emotionally intelligent traits are the foundation of a strong, successful organizational culture. Soft (weak) just isn’t what we’re shooting for.

The Secret of a Successful Merger

Companies merge for lots of reasons: expertise, market share, compatible pricing structure, geographic expansion are among them. Seldom are the equally crucial internal factors given as much consideration as these external issues. In my career as a marketing director for a CPA firm, I endured one very significant merger and a few smaller ones. The significant merger was with another CPA firm, a large, old and well respected outfit with strong, old-school leadership. The firm I was with was the smaller, entrepreneurial, growing group with a flexible and inclusive managing partner.

Those of us on both sides of the merger leadership team worked diligently and creatively to get policies and procedures straight, develop strategies and missions, and communicate developments to everyone in the newly merged firm .

It didn’t work. Why? Because the people working in the older and larger firm were excellent employees who did what they were told and did it extremely well. They marched in lockstep to the leadership’s music. The people from the younger, more entrepreneurial group were also excellent members of a team that was rewarded for initiative, creative thinking, and participation in decision making.

Neither group was wrong or any less accomplished than the other. But our habits were firmly entrenched by the time of the merger. In fact, the managing partner (who came from the smaller firm) resigned his position and went out on his own. So did most of the senior team members from the smaller firm. Those of us who had been encouraged to question could no more march to the leadership’s tune than the folks from the other side could have dared to question that tune.

If your group is considering a merger, I strongly encourage you to think clearly, deliberately, and without illusions about cultural alignment. Listen. Are your individual tunes playing in the same key?

Blackberry Fantasies

There’s nothing like a few days out of town to invigorate thinking and observation. In my case, watching people in Las Vegas got my brain going about connections. From conference attendees to tourists to off-duty employees, it seemed as though everyone had their heads bowed over their Blackberries. Some were walking, some leaning against the walls of the resort, some standing in the middle of the corridor. All appeared to be completely oblivious to their surroundings.

I have to wonder if this is a good thing. As a business person, I understand the importance of being connected. As a human being, however, I also understand the value of being where I am, rather than in cyberspace. I know this for sure: when you’re connected 24/7, you’re missing beauty, humanity, and real life.

Surely there is a middle path we can walk.

Imagination

Recently, a managing partner asked me if I facilitate meetings. I told him I did, with one exception: I won’t facilitate partner meetings anymore. When he asked why, I said “Because it’s painful and useless to watch partners sit around and lie to each other.” His response: “You’re right. We absolutely DO lie to each other. But can you imagine what would happen if we all told the truth?”

Well, yes I can. The conference room would be an ugly sight at first. But let’s think what might happen if everyone agreed to tell the truth. Imagine if partners really trusted and liked each other. Imagine if they even knew each other on some level other than the professional. Imagine if they had the communication skills and the courage to disagree openly and with civility. Imagine if they trusted each other enough to allow one of them to lead the others with a clear-cut strategy. It’s entirely possible that putting all the skunks on the table might just be the beginning of a new way of doing things.

It’s worth imagining these scenarios. It’s worth working for. And if there’s a company out there that wants to try to make imagination real, I’d change my mind about facilitating partner meetings.

Emails: Lighten Up

Recently I actually took my own advice and was astounded at how wise I can be.

I was involved in an e-discussion with a client when he expressed an opinion that wasn’t in line with my thinking. In true Melinda rapid-fire fashion, I hit “reply” and began my email with “I disagree.” Then I went on to say why, and posed a very good argument.

There was just one thing: I would have lost my client’s attention at “I disagree.” He might have thought, “Hmmph. She disagrees. Mouthy woman. She’s just being disagreeable.” His defenses would have been up and he would have been distracted even before getting to my dissertation.

I disagree. Those two little words are too strong for most email discussions — at least if you’re interested in maintaining a good relationship with your recipients. We all know email messages lack critical qualities of face to face conversations: facial expression, tone of voice, body language, all of it. You might not feel as strongly about something as you seem to when you are curt or harsh in writing.

For once in my life, I didn’t hit the “send” button too quickly. I re-read my message, sat back and looked at it for a bit, and then deleted those two little words. Instead, I softened my stance with a simple “I see things differently”, then posed my cogent argument. My client still didn’t do what I wanted him to do, but at least he heard what I had to say. Sometimes that’s as good as it gets.