A Positive Identity Crisis

Someone asked me recently whether I had any hobbies. That simple question sparked a whole conversation in my head that started with:

Hmm. What DO I do for fun?

Which was immediately followed by

What do I do, really, as a motivator and communicator?

Which, of course (as only the truly anxiety ridden will understand), quickly led to

Who am I?

I know! Hideous line of thinking, isn’t it?

I realized that I define myself more by what I DON’T do and by what I’m NOT than by what I do and who I am. Examples: I don’t smoke or drink. I don’t eat junk. I don’t like groups (unless, of course, I’m in front of them). I don’t like phoniness, whether in humans or gemstones. I don’t respect authority for authority’s sake.

Kind of negative, really. So I started thinking: what if I took these statements and rephrased them? Have a look:

Negative	Positive
I don’t smoke or drink.	I enjoy having a clear mind and healthy body.
I don’t eat junk.	I like to eat good food, and lots of it.
I don’t like groups.	I love the company of close friends.
I don’t like phoniness, whether in humans or gemstone.	The genuine, authentic personalities I’m lucky enough to encounter make me glad to be alive. Genuine diamonds make me glad I’m female.
I don’t respect authority for authority’s sake.	I love working with people when we’re standing on a level playing field.

You get the gist here. In case I’m not the only person defining herself narrowly and in the negative, I suggest y’all go through a similar exercise. Choose more positive words to describe your life, your work, and your relationships. See how you feel when you’ve done it. Does it change the conversations in your head? Are they better, more positive, maybe even more useful?

I wonder if changing the words we use to describe ourselves, both internally and to others, could lead to more happiness, which Harvard Medical School has proven to be contagious.

Imagine how much more pleasant and productive it would be to live and work among happier people. If this exercise is a good step, let’s all take it.