How Do You Know You’re a Good One-On-One Communicator?

Here are ten behaviors or characteristics of the most effective communicators I know.

1. You listen well. You don’t interrupt or assume what the other person is going to say.
2. You make eye contact. It’s disheartening to be talking to someone whose eyes are all over the room or looking at the wrong part of your body.
3. Your facial expressions indicate involvement in the conversation. This one’s tough for many men, who typically remain stone-faced when someone else is speaking. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re disengaged or judgmental, but it sure can feel that way.
4. You focus on the person and the subject at hand. When someone is trying to talk to you, pull out your earplugs, look up from your computer or phone, and give the person in front of you your complete attention. This is really just civility.
5. You connect the other person’s statements to yours. It’s really weird to talk with someone who doesn’t connect his thoughts with your statements. It’s like talking in a parallel universe. So make sure that, when you’re talking, you’re actually conversing and connecting rather than delivering a monologue.
6. You leave just the right pause between the other person’s words and yours. Too little time and you’re very nearly interrupting and almost certainly not processing their words; too much time and you seem to be disconnecting from the conversation.
7. You know how to end or redirect a conversation gracefully. If you are a good communicator, you will never be at a loss for people who want to talk with you. It’s important to be able to say, “I’m glad we got a chance to chat, but now I’ve really got to get back to the project I’m working on.” Or, “Gosh, I’m sorry to hear about your difficulty with this. I’m wondering, though, if you should talk to so-and-so about it. He seems like the guy who can help you solve the problem.”
8. You know how to invite others into your conversation or exclude them from it. This is critical in cubicle-ridden conditions, where people seem to find it completely ok to just jump into a two-person conversation. Interruptions seem to be status quo these days. Learn when it is useful to say, “Oh, John, I’m so glad you stopped in. We were just talking about….”, and when it’s better to say, “John, I’ll be with you as soon as I’ve finished talking with Mary.”
9. You can sense what the other person needs at that moment and you act accordingly. People will seek you out for wisdom, advice, laughter, empathy, guidance, clarity, and sometimes a kick in the pants - -whether they realize this or not. Listen carefully for what they need and give it to them. Rely on your instincts and skills, and you will rarely go wrong.
10. You have the courage to say what needs to be said. See #9 above

What else do you think should be added to this list?