Watch What You Say…to Yourself

All too often, we overachievers don’t need anyone to make us feel like we’re not doing enough. Our self-talk handles that just fine, thank you. And that self-talk can be brutal.

What we say to ourselves is as important, if not more so, than what we say to others.

Overachievers sometimes are prone to think they’re not doing enough, or that what they do isn’t making a real difference. They can feel as though their professional efforts are either not being recognized as meaningful, or that the work they do is so undervalued it really doesn’t have meaning. For people with any work ethic at all, these situations can begin a spiral of deadly self-talk. To whit:

“Nothing I do matters.” “The firm wouldn’t even know if I left.” “Sure, I’ve got a bunch of great ideas, but they’ll never get executed here.” “Nothing ever changes at this place, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Pretty soon, internal talk like this will influence your attitude and behavior. If you are having any conversations like this with yourself, it is crucial to reframe your thinking – and fast. I hope these suggestions change your conversation with you.

1. It’s the leadership, not you. Very often, no matter how good your strategy and tactics are, your organization’s leadership won’t acknowledge the benefits. There are at least 300 reasons for this, but it’s mostly that leaders are humans who don’t like change or risk. They have plenty of things to think about other than your idea. Further, they aren’t in enough pain to consider anything other than the status quo. These factors have nothing to do with the validity of your idea or your value to the organization.
2. Break everything you do down to the smallest level. Let’s say your boss continues to ignore your latest great idea that absolutely will bring more business to your company. Instead of telling yourself that nothing you do matters because the leadership hasn’t executed your plan, start thinking small. Think about the smallest tasks you do without blinking an eye. For example, because you enter information into the company’s database accurately and promptly, your boss and coworkers will never look foolish because an important client is accidentally left out of a critical information loop, and the chance that a name is misspelled on a letter vanishes because of you. So even though the boss didn’t respond to your big new idea for winning business, you’re still doing valuable work by getting the basics in place.
3. Forget “the company” as a whole. Focus on how much you help individuals. I know a lot of corporate lawyers. This type of law, where you’re the highly paid suit defending the big, bad Goliath against the innocent David, could grind your soul to dust if you let it. But the happiest corporate lawyers I know are those who relate to their clients as individuals, not corporations. They relate to the case worker, the claims adjuster, or the insured person they’re representing. They don’t think about helping the corporation as much as they think about helping the humans involved in the case. That’s a healthy way to view your work.
4. Create your own posse. Go to them when you need an emotional boost. If you are like so many overachievers, you are the one with broad shoulders, the one who listens constantly to your co-workers’ travails. But you can’t be that – and only that – all the time. Sometimes you need a little help, too. When you need support and affirmation, look outside yourself to your trusted posse. They will look you right in the eye and tell you how professionally valuable you are to them and to your company. Even if you’re accustomed to being on the listening side of that conversation and don’t want to switch, do it anyway. This isn’t weak on your part; it’s smart.