Emotional Solutions

New York Times columnist David Brooks sparked interesting thoughts this week. In his May 25 column, he says:

“People are born with natural desires to be admired and to be worthy of admiration. They are born with moral emotions, a sense of fair play and benevolence. They are also born with darker passions, like self-love and tribalism, which mar rationalist enterprises. We are emotional creatures first and foremost, and politics should not forget that.”

In the last sentence above, we could easily substitute “business” for “politics”. It would still be true. We are emotional creatures first and foremost, and business must not forget that. When things aren’t going right internally, look first at the emotions involved. Very likely, that’s where the problem lies. And very likely, if you address the emotions, you will find the solution.

When in Doubt, Pick Up the Phone

Email is easy and fast. It’s also incomplete and leaves room for plenty of unanswered questions and misunderstanding. A couple of times recently, I’ve experienced the conflict that goes with deciding how to follow up with people.

In one instance, I had submitted an application to a speaker’s bureau. Weeks later, I had heard nothing from them. After a short, typical conversation in my head about not being good enough to belong to this bureau, I decided to end the masochism and pick up the phone. As it turned out, the president of the company had begun the review process of my application, but had not yet completed it. Our conversation was upbeat and encouraging, and so very simple.

Another time, I was struggling with content for an upcoming presentation on leadership and management for lawyers. When I realized I would not be the best choice to address certain aspects of management because I have never run a law firm, I faced the same method-of-contact dilemma. Email surely would have been easier. I could have backed out of the session gracefully and left the relationship intact. But I really wanted to address the leadership issue in law firms, so I picked up the phone and had a conversation with my contact. In the course of the conversation, we realized the conference attendees would benefit from a team teaching format that involved a managing partner and me working together. Our conversation created a better program that would not have been possible by email.

No doubt: it’s much easier to send an email than to have to deal with a conversation. But it’s in those very conversations – those dialogues – that some of our best outcomes can occur.

Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do

For those of you who immediately recalled the Neil Sedaka song when you read the title of this post, I am truly sorry. It’s just the best way to frame a conversation about firing clients.

Such a heavy word, firing. I prefer to think of it as moving on, acting in everyone’s best interests, similar to ending a personal relationship. Who hasn’t heard “It’s not you, it’s me” at some point? Personally or professionally, it seems, the sentiment is applicable.

However you choose to phrase it, moving away from a client relationship is scary, gut-wrenching work. Who in her right mind would risk walking away from steady (although not lucrative), known (although not challenging), comfortable (although not inspiring) work — particularly in times like these?

If a particular client’s face pops into your head as you read this, here are some of the questions to ask yourself:

1. Is the client best served by your working at a level below your capabilities?
2. Are you willing to continue working at a level that does not challenge you?
3. How is your decreasing passion for the work affecting your client’s interests?
4. How is your client’s behavior affecting you and your team?
5. Are you willing to wait it out in the hope that things will magically improve?
6. Would a conversation with your client change anything?
7. What opportunities are you missing by pouring energy into this client?

Putting yourself through a questioning exercise like this one is useful, whether you are determined to leave your client or are trying to find reasons to stay. Asking hard questions brings clarity to your thought process, removing some of the more emotional (and less useful) noise in your head. Finally, it helps move you closer to answering an important question:

What makes you happy?

Soft Skills Aren't Soft.

Every time I read something about communication, leadership, mentoring and the like, the words “soft skills” are nearly always used as descriptors. That chaps me, because in our business culture soft is often a euphemism for weak.. Bottom lines, net revenues, profitability: these are hard and, therefore, strong initiatives. Relationship building, listening, mentoring, teaching: soft and wrongly perceived as weak.

Think about it. How often is someone in a company publicly rewarded for civility? For kindness? Contagious happiness? It’s woefully rare. Yet it is these things that determine the culture and, at least in part, the long-term success of an organization.

I wonder if we could come up with something other than soft skills to describe these critical individual and organizational traits. Maybe it’s Quality of Life Skills, but that’s a tad wordy. I’m open to suggestion, but let’s not call them soft anymore. These emotionally intelligent traits are the foundation of a strong, successful organizational culture. Soft (weak) just isn’t what we’re shooting for.

The Secret of a Successful Merger

Companies merge for lots of reasons: expertise, market share, compatible pricing structure, geographic expansion are among them. Seldom are the equally crucial internal factors given as much consideration as these external issues. In my career as a marketing director for a CPA firm, I endured one very significant merger and a few smaller ones. The significant merger was with another CPA firm, a large, old and well respected outfit with strong, old-school leadership. The firm I was with was the smaller, entrepreneurial, growing group with a flexible and inclusive managing partner.

Those of us on both sides of the merger leadership team worked diligently and creatively to get policies and procedures straight, develop strategies and missions, and communicate developments to everyone in the newly merged firm .

It didn’t work. Why? Because the people working in the older and larger firm were excellent employees who did what they were told and did it extremely well. They marched in lockstep to the leadership’s music. The people from the younger, more entrepreneurial group were also excellent members of a team that was rewarded for initiative, creative thinking, and participation in decision making.

Neither group was wrong or any less accomplished than the other. But our habits were firmly entrenched by the time of the merger. In fact, the managing partner (who came from the smaller firm) resigned his position and went out on his own. So did most of the senior team members from the smaller firm. Those of us who had been encouraged to question could no more march to the leadership’s tune than the folks from the other side could have dared to question that tune.

If your group is considering a merger, I strongly encourage you to think clearly, deliberately, and without illusions about cultural alignment. Listen. Are your individual tunes playing in the same key?