Bliss Suckers

The title words were used by a friend of mine in describing a former employer. She said something like this: “That woman just sucks the bliss out of every happy moment. Doesn’t matter what it is. She has a way of seeing the negative in everything – and never fails to express it.”

It’s no surprise my friend moved on to happier pastures. Who wants to be around somebody like that? 

Here are the signs that you may be in the presence of a Bliss Sucker:

• You ask them how they’re doing and are afraid they’ll answer
• You find yourself going down a different hallway or hiding in the first available cubicle when you see them coming
• You feel your energy drain into your feet when you have to spend any time around them

The most important thing to know about Bliss Suckers is that there is nothing you can do to change them. Nobody ever changes anyone else’s behavior (except possibly through short-term coercion). Real behavioral change always comes from within. Bliss Suckers are likely to keep doing what they do, because they’re benefitting from their behavior somehow. Could it be they are happy only when those around them absorb and spread their negativity?

Avoid these people when you can. When you can’t, express your own optimism as strongly as you know how, and refuse to let them steal your happiness. Then quickly go and find someone who can appreciate and share your upbeat view of things. It’s the only antidote I know of to Bliss Suckers. If you have other ideas, you are welcome to share them here.

A Whiff of Change

When you think about it, change is a bit like air: it’s everywhere, all the time, and sometimes it smells better than others. Although we often hear about managing change, that notion strikes me as unproductive.

The practical approach is to think about change in terms of how we respond to it, not how we manage it. This is more than a semantic difference.

Managing something implies we have a measure of control over it, which is not always possible. Economic downturns. Budget cuts. Business closures. It is rare for us to be in a position to control changes like these.

Responding, on the other hand, means intentionally choosing the words we use when thinking or talking about change. Words can be tools or weapons. What we say, both to ourselves and to others, is entirely our choice.

So when change comes your way (and it will), try to find words that offer a productive perspective. For example:

• ·         We can do this.
• ·         Who knows? Maybe there’s an opportunity here.
• ·         We were smart and capable before this change, and we’re still smart and capable.

These are not just feel-good sentiments. They are powerful ways of constructing private thoughts and public conversations. In the face of change, well-chosen words can create a better outcome than we ever thought possible.