Emails: Lighten Up

Recently I actually took my own advice and was astounded at how wise I can be.

I was involved in an e-discussion with a client when he expressed an opinion that wasn’t in line with my thinking. In true Melinda rapid-fire fashion, I hit “reply” and began my email with “I disagree.” Then I went on to say why, and posed a very good argument.

There was just one thing: I would have lost my client’s attention at “I disagree.” He might have thought, “Hmmph. She disagrees. Mouthy woman. She’s just being disagreeable.” His defenses would have been up and he would have been distracted even before getting to my dissertation.

I disagree. Those two little words are too strong for most email discussions — at least if you’re interested in maintaining a good relationship with your recipients. We all know email messages lack critical qualities of face to face conversations: facial expression, tone of voice, body language, all of it. You might not feel as strongly about something as you seem to when you are curt or harsh in writing.

For once in my life, I didn’t hit the “send” button too quickly. I re-read my message, sat back and looked at it for a bit, and then deleted those two little words. Instead, I softened my stance with a simple “I see things differently”, then posed my cogent argument. My client still didn’t do what I wanted him to do, but at least he heard what I had to say. Sometimes that’s as good as it gets.