After watching a particularly dark and violent movie a few months ago, I had a revelation: “This doesn’t make me better.” It doesn’t make me a better advisor, a better wife, a better friend. That little revelation changed how I make decisions. It shifted my perspective. The question I ask myself now is “How does ____________ make me better?”
This question focuses your thoughts on you. It makes you look at yourself and answer a difficult question. For example, “How does it make me better to...:
... avoid having a difficult conversation with my team member?
... continue to accept unclear direction from my supervisor?
... participate on a work team that has no clear understanding of its purpose?
… choose not to recognize the achievements — or suffering of a colleague?
... accept clients who do not add value to my work?
… gossip about my co-worker?
... show up late to meetings because I allow myself to be over-scheduled?
... wait for someone else to take the initiative?
Clients often ask me how they can change their culture when the leadership either supports bad habits or doesn’t support good ones. Doing this exercise in self-centeredness is a start. Cultures are changed one person and one behavior at a time. When you choose to make yourself better, you make your culture better.
GREAT POST!
ReplyDeleteI must say don't find it self-centered to focus on the questions you have listed. I would instead say self-AWARE. Self centered implies that the ultimate goal of "making me better" is for ME, to make my life easier for myself; when instead I would think that the ultimate goal of "making me better" is so that I can reach out to others more effectively and be in better harmony with the universe and my fellow man (which sometimes has the effect of making life easier for me but not always). A selfless internal examination instead of a selfish one, if you know what I mean.
My idea may be nothing but useless semantics - the main point is if you're not doing this kind of ruthless self-examination at a million points during the day you're missing opportunities to up-level both yourself and the world around you.
Excellent suggestions! Melinda hit it right on the money! As debrabelwig said, "if you're not doing this kind of ruthless self-examination at a million points during the day you're missing opportunities". I start my morning off in the shower reviewing the day before and asking myself, Why(on earth) did I do or say _______? How can I remember to do or not do that again? In the flurry of activities during the day I rarely have time to think about my morning self-evaluation but, occasionally something does click and I feel I'm that much more of a leader for it.
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